Toasted

Why dont seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be bagels.

Anatomy?

Little Johnny was at school on monday and the class was talking about what everyone did the weekend prior. When it was Johnny's turn he said,"I was playing catch with my dog this weekend but the crazy beast ran into the road and a car ran right in to his ass!"
"Rectum." the teacher corrected.
"Wrecked him?" Johnny exclaimed. "Damn near killed him!!"

sounds better than bird flu

Two cows are are standing out in a field. One says the other one, "You hear about that mad cow disease?"
"Yeah," the other replied, "kinda makes you glad we're penguins huh?"

picking up chicks at CERN

Two atoms accidentally bumped into each other on the street. One, realizing the other had dropped an electron, picked it up and tried handing it back to him saying, "Here i think this is yours"
The other one, not convinced, replied "Are you sure?"
To which the first one replied, "Im positive"

ok you start

knock knock.
whos there?
impatient cow.
impatie...
MOO!

Rated R

So this pirate walks into a bar but in place of a belt buckle he has a large sail boat steering wheel attached to him. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?" pointing to the wheel, and the pirate replied "Yearrgh, i dont know but its driving me nuts!"

Radishes, dont really like them

Whats the hardest thing about eating vegetables?
The wheelchair

Thats with cream de menthe

A grasshopper walked in to a bar. The bartender says "Hey! We got a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper says "You got a drink named Steve!?"

Mmm, that sounds good, i'll have that

One night an old couple is getting ready for bed. The man is already in bed reading and the old woman is in the bathroom putting in her curlers. As she is finishing up she starts feeling a little frisky, she flips off the lights in the bathroom, strides down the hall, kicks open the bedroom door, throws her robe open and yells "Super Pussy!"

the old man looks over, lowers his glasses with one finger and says "I'll have the soup."

Strike 2!

Two fish were in a tank. One says to the other one, "You know how to drive this thing?"