Psychedelic man

So this mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We dont serve your kind here," and the mushroom says "What, I'm a fun guy"

Mr. Tambourine Man

two birds were sitting on a perch.
one says to the other, "do you smell fish?"

I should have learned the piano

A man walks by a bar that has a sign in its window: PIANO PLAYER WANTED. He grabs the sign, walks in the cafe and says to the manager, "I play the piano. I'd like to have the piano player's job."
The manager says, "Well let's hear you play first."
The man sits down and plays the most beautiful song the manager has ever heard. The manager is crying for joy at the beauty of the song.
"That song is so wonderful!" he exclaims. "But I've never heard it before. I must know what it's called!"
"Well," the man says, "it's an original tune. I wrote it myself. It's called "The I've Got Dog Shit on My Pecker and Rover's Run Off Blues.' "
"Oh," says the manager, taken somewhat aback. "Well, do you know any other songs?"
"Sure!" says the man and proceeds to play a song even more outstanding than the first one.
The manager is once again beside himself with emotion, swept away even more than he was with the first song.
"Oh my God!" he shouts. "Never have I seen such artistry! And again, a song I've never heard before! I must know the name of this beautiful tune!"
The man says, "Thank you. It's another original song that I wrote myself. It's called 'The Blow Your Brother, Fuck a Goat, and Tell Me That You Love Me Waltz, in D Minor.' "
The manager thinks for a moment and says, "Look I like the way you play piano, and I'm going to hire you. But only on one condition: Don't ever tell my customers the names of the songs that you're playing."
The man agrees and comes to play that very night. The crowd is stunned by his mastery of the piano and the beauty of his compositions. He gets a standing ovation at the end of each one of his songs.
At the end of an hour and a half, the man has to go to the bathroom, so he stops playing and announces to the audience, "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to take a short break now. Please stay and enjoy a drink, and I'll be back to play again for you in fifteen minutes."
After he pees, he forgets to zip up his zipper. On his way out of the bathroom another man stops him and says: "Hey, do you know your zipper's undone and your cock's hanging out?"
The man says, "Know it? I wrote it!"

- Drew Carey

that kid in L.A. stinks

so theres this kid in L.A. and he stinks