Toasted

Why dont seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be bagels.

Anatomy?

Little Johnny was at school on monday and the class was talking about what everyone did the weekend prior. When it was Johnny's turn he said,"I was playing catch with my dog this weekend but the crazy beast ran into the road and a car ran right in to his ass!"
"Rectum." the teacher corrected.
"Wrecked him?" Johnny exclaimed. "Damn near killed him!!"

sounds better than bird flu

Two cows are are standing out in a field. One says the other one, "You hear about that mad cow disease?"
"Yeah," the other replied, "kinda makes you glad we're penguins huh?"

picking up chicks at CERN

Two atoms accidentally bumped into each other on the street. One, realizing the other had dropped an electron, picked it up and tried handing it back to him saying, "Here i think this is yours"
The other one, not convinced, replied "Are you sure?"
To which the first one replied, "Im positive"

ok you start

knock knock.
whos there?
impatient cow.
impatie...
MOO!

Rated R

So this pirate walks into a bar but in place of a belt buckle he has a large sail boat steering wheel attached to him. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?" pointing to the wheel, and the pirate replied "Yearrgh, i dont know but its driving me nuts!"

Radishes, dont really like them

Whats the hardest thing about eating vegetables?
The wheelchair